A Match to Tinder III: Tides of War
by anesor
Summary: DA2 sequel, Aldera Hawke/Anders series. Hawke and Anders return to Ferelden again after the dark legacies of Wardens and Hawke's family. But will war soon find them or will they deliver war to others who don't expect them? Chapter 5: Bethany is among Wardens again, but that isn't enough any more.
1. Captain Isabela's log - 11 Pluitanis

_The Dragon Age world, plot, and their characters aren't mine but belong to Bioware. Some characters may be my creations. I get no money for writing this sequel. _

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**_The Waking Sea, aboard __t__he Sea Cockerels_**

**_-Isabela_**

_Pluitanis the tenth... or maybe the eleventh. Balls, I really don't care that much right now._

_Caz tells me the mast repairs are done. The crew isn't happy we missed those fried Wintersend balls of dough in Val Chevine, all soaking in honey and sugar and cardamon that just ooze warm and squishy 'sin' enough to inspire a month of sermons._

_Especially if you eat them with passion in front of a Repressed Mother. _

_Not even Orlesian ports will have them anymore. _

_Jader and then Hercinia after that. The Eastern Sea will have more ships. Overland is too risky of late and any hulk can make a profit if they stay out of trouble. Pickings are thinner because of convoys. _

_I don't trust the hornheads, they sure hold a grudge without any evidence. I haven't even seen Imperial or Qunari ships last few ports. Castellan took their bloody thing to an Imperial port, but they hold a grudge for that slave shipment too. Pox on them all._

_I have my beauty and the open sea._

_Ports are another story, and they're awash with the wildest rumors. Portmasters are more excited about uprisings and invasion from the mages. As if they have ships, or the Templars, or maybe the dead elves from the top of Mount NoFun. They'd do better to worry about the Felicisima Armada or their neighbors Marching to feed their bonfires._

_I'm glad it's too hard for a March to go out to sea. It might be fun to see the ones in the heavy armor sinking into the mud waving their little arms, wondering why they can't walk on the water. How fast could they take off the armor and how good do they look under that armor, all dripping wet and desperate?_

_Hmm, that could be a good time for all._

_Still anyone smart enough to love the sea has seen more of what the Maker did than most anyone else in Thedas. Everything else is just having fun._

_Some people don't know how to have any fun._

_Well, now that raises the question of just how the Chantry blows and if it swallows. I'll ask Chantry boy if I see him again. Watching him turn red should be good for a laugh._

_Varric must be bored now. I've got a story he doesn't know: about the mighty Champion going the wrong way last year._

_Really, I'm not sure about the two of them. I would have expected Merrill to do something bloody before Anders. Hawke really has him by the balls even with that spirit, always did, despite that dance. I was almost beginning to think she didn't like sex much, and that would be a waste. _

_Hmmm, that ship scene has potential. Enough for sailors at sea. I really should finish my friend-fiction sometime and get it to Varric, it'll be a lot of fun._

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_A/N: Any typos that remain are not intentional... Reviews or a PM to let me know what you think would be very appreciated._


	2. Traveling Among Men

_The Dragon Age world, plot, and their characters aren't mine but belong to Bioware. Some characters may be my creations. I get no money for writing this sequel. _

_- x x -_

**Tevinter Highway, the Dalelands**

**Sebastian Vael:**

I crossed the southern coast of the Waking Sea at a leisurely speed after Satinalia, but it wasn't in a leisurely fashion. I refrained from announcing who I was, and few were interested in who I was on the road.

Leaving Ferelden was eye-opening as winter was much harsher than I was used to in the Marches. Orlais held the Dales and I'd been taught that the area near Jader had been hard fought by King Maric. Orlais still wanted the Jader port back.

I hadn't paid much attention last autumn as I'd recruited for my mission of murder. Here on the ground below the bird's eye view an Olesian-printed map, the mountain gap of the Frostbacks was a more believable border than what had been on the map. Both sides would be able to control the approach.

Much like the Vimmarks helped keep Starkhaven safe.

The Fereldans kept a stronger military presence on their side, naming the garrison town Maric's Gate. Whatever the Orlesians called their side was lost in official paperwork and not yet on older maps. Crossing over, even the Orlesian soldiers called it the Gate.

Past the gate, human presence dropped away a bit. There were still merchants and their trains and their mansions in the towns that dotted any stretch of the old highway. Workers and even farmers were elven. Some merchants must have elven blood, even if there was little to see; they showed no more kindness for workers.

As I passed more days along the road, there were fewer farms and I began to spot the occasional Dalish. Only Andraste knew what business they had along the road with winter so close, but one group that I saw in a distance had a herd of those halla with them. I wasn't sure how they kept the beasts so close together, but they stayed away from caravans more than a lone traveler.

I wasn't that close before some armed Dalish moved between the herd and myself. I had wished to watch them. The halla were as graceful as I'd heard, almost the essence of what deer should be: grace and wild nature of the Maker's creation. The horns were pale and elegant, and I almost wondered how they could exist. Such beauty needed no reason when the Maker blessed us with it.

They slowed and allowed me to pass them, despite watching me with arrogant disdain and weapons at ready.

A few more days along the highway and I started seeing more humans and their farms. Soon came patrols by guards and their Sers. Orlesian regulars started appearing again as I moved west. They were suspicious of me as a single walker and they asked me about troubles on the road. I could honestly report none. After all, I had recently left the company of the ones who started it.

I needed to decide what I would do now that I had seen the Maker's vengeance. Maybe this return from an unexpected pilgrimage would give me the insight I so desperately needed.

When I entered Val Royeaux proper, I felt I didn't appear at my best.

One Sister recognized me, and I was treated as a prince again. I was invited to banquets and entertainments in a frenzy of tense and brittle Orlesian lords and ladies competing for Celine's favor. They offered me masks in pearl and lapis lazuli that matched my eyes.

It was entertaining to enjoy these shallow diversions without feeling much guilt that Starkhaven needed me or that I was betraying my oaths. That was over earlier than I wanted to admit, long before the Grand Cleric's death.

Starkhaven did not indulge in masks and games of one-upmanship to this extreme. We had much fewer frivolous nobles. They had responsibilities and a moral standard, even if they failed the Maker as the Harrimans did. Visiting Orlais was like visiting my younger self, caught up in frivolity and earthly amusements.

I did not wish to go back to that. I wanted to serve in Andraste's name, even if I was no longer a Brother.

One of Celine's Cupholders was appealing, and seemed satisfied with whatever reflected glory a wandering Prince of Starkhaven offered. I wasn't planning to become a prize token in their games, so after that encounter I stepped aside for respite into the Chantry study again.

As merely another member of the Divine's flock, I attended services. I had been privileged before when I escorted Elthina, but I didn't fit in as a humble brother either.

It was very difficult preserving a quiet demeanor as rebellion swelled in Celene's court and against the Divine's rule.

Winter passed as I studied the writings of the great Chantry Mothers and philosophies of rule. None had pried as I quietly studied and prayed within the Chantry's archives.

One cloudy Tuesday, a terrible smell seeped into the archives and the faint roaring reached my ears. Knocking over my chair and reaching for my bow in my first reaction, I looked to an archivist. "What is that?"

He looked at me in surprise, as that was the first I'd spoken in many days. "Executions of maleficars, Brother. The Divine and Knight-Vigilant made them public examples after the events in Kirkwall."

The smell of burning flesh wasn't completely new to me after battles I'd survived, but this was the center of Val Royeaux.

I rushed out of the age-old archive built by the Divine Theodosious and into the plaza. A line of pyres marched away along the side of the open space and away from me. Some were only smoldering piles of ash and charred lumber wreathed in smoke, the fire consuming clothing and flesh while the chains held the corpses in place. Further away were condemned who must still wait for the fire to catch.

Templars stood nearby on watch, fully armored.

Others weren't dead yet and jerked from the heat as the screams ended. The smell of smoke, oil, and burning flesh filled my senses and made me ill. Other viewers became ill or hysterical. That some were still children made me want to severely chastise their parents.

One of the condemned, through chance or deliberation was still conscious and able to speak as the wood under her was being put to the torch. "._..Sweet Andraste, keep me and all who are near and dear to me safe from danger by fire and water, pestilence and all harm. I commend myself, body and soul and everything that I am to the Maker's protection. May you be with me, Andraste, that I may fear no..._"

I founght many blood mages and maleficar. This was not...

She coughed when smoke flared from the tinder and I was close enough to see that she was covered in bruises and a broken nose.

"You are beasts, worse than the darkspawn! You kill innocent who did nothing..." A lick of flame got closer and the heat made her gasp and wail briefly. "Andraste help me! I... _through the pyre I sing to the Maker... a joyous song... free me from the pains of the flesh until I see you again. _ ...mercy.

In those instants I could see that these weren't the denials of an unbeliever. Whatever mistakes she may have made, this was no abomination, no puppet of a demon. I had founght many abominations. The proof of her innocence was clear even as she died.

I drew my bow and gave her the only mercy I could, even as the flames were moving up.

A gasp from the crowd rippled out, interrupting the jeering I really heard noticed when it stopped. Those who had jostled me were edging away. Why became more clear when Templars clapped their hands on me

I shrugged them off. "I am Sebastian Vael of Starkhaven."

A blow hammered into my head, knocking me off my feet. "I don't care if you're the queen of Antiva. If you help a maleficar, you and all you own are forfeit."

I stood up. "I forget nothing. You were sworn to mercy. I have given that as Maltherath did. You are incapable of anything but proving what kind of _tiny_ prick you wield."

That may not have been the wisest thing to say. They hauled me away and I was thrown into a cell, much worse for the wear.

Once I had calmed, I regretted my rash words, but not the aim of my bow.

"I am surprised you ended up here with the rabble-rousers, Brother Sebastian. I understand you have been in study and contemplation for most of your visit to Val Royeaux." The Templar stood tall outside my cell, and he looked at me with a disapproving expression, while another woman in formal Chantry robes stood quietly beside him.

My vision was a little blurry still. "Then you are correct, I came here to study and seek inspiration from the words of our predecessors."

"What prompted you to interfere? We will crush this rebellion. You were there when it started, when the Scourge slaughtered the Grand Cleric. These abominations seek to make a new Imperium."

I moved to stand, to meet him eye to eye, but I could not get much above knee level. "I was there. But I remember Maltherath and his mercy for the Divine Andraste. As heinous as Kirkwall was, it was mercifully quick. Today was no abomination, no Magister, no faithless Qunari. She was the puppet of no demon. Judgment belongs to the Maker. Executions that pander to the dark side of the faithful are not what Andraste taught us. This is not singing the Maker's praise, this is not teaching Andraste's path. After judgment is not like some Tevinter blood game."

The Templar had to be an officer. "Prince, I will arrange for your safe escort back _home_ to Starkhaven. I am sure with the current unrest, you have _many_ duties to occupy yourself with there." This was a clear dismissal, his voice glacial and full of contempt.

With that he turned and left with the sister, leaving me inside the cell and still in shackled

The cell was not as bad as Darktown, but it wasn't comfortable. I heard vermin and other prisoners moaning and praying over that night.

I could not know how justified the arrests of any were. What I could be sure of was that granting a merciful death was not a sin. _How many others in here were like me instead of __sin or crime__?_

The Templar sent me back to Starkhaven by ship, but it was a bare fiction that I had any choice. I was kept in fine cabins but not able even to walk the decks unless I wanted to do so in the chains with Templars 'escorting' me. I _would not_ let my guards humble me like that so I stayed in the cabin and dreamed of escape at night.

At least the fiction allowed that the shackles were removed for good as we neared the Starkhaven border. My Templar guard looked at me warily when the border guards passed me in, expecting me to order some kind or retribution, but that lesson was complete.

I would not punish Ser Jayne who had treated me with fairness and respect when we boarded. This journey had accomplished what study was suggested for me. This was not the Chantry that the Maker and Andraste would have been proud of. It did not focus on fighting the Imperium and our own sins, but fear of others.

The Qunari challenge our care for our people, the Tevinters challenge our strength and determination, and now mages challenge if we truly mean to build a world safe for all the Maker's children as Andraste demanded. After much contemplation I could see how it happened. Kirkwall was an example, how necessity excused gradually more horrible acts, until any disagreement was worthy of the worst penalties.

If every mage in Kirkwall had been killed, that would not have ended it, as the Maker continued to see fit to have more mages born. It must be ended another way.

But war between the Templars and mages would no more break the cycle than the back and forth had in Kirkwall. It was only the same conflict on a larger stage. I still didn't know what would, but it must include more than blood and death, but also compassion and mercy.

When the boat was about to cast off to continue up to the Starkhaven itself, I ordered the rest of my escort removed from the boat. Ser Jayne seemed surprised that I had not ordered her departure.

My smile felt wintery as I watched the dock drift away with the squad of Templars. "I do not hold you responsible for their mistake. I granted mercy in Val Royeaux. Elthina spoke to me often about the futility of vengeance, but I did not hear her. Vengeance is a demon, and perhaps the blackest. I accept that your reports will reconcile your superiors that I am not a... 'rabble-rouser.' I seek something other than vengeance and blood."

She relaxed just a little. "Your association with the Champion makes you suspect, your Highness. Doubt were raised after the events in Kirkwall. There had been rumors that you were hiring assassins and mercenaries to send for Val Royeaux and the Knight Vigilant."

"What?" My jaw dropped at hearing this unexpected rumor. "No! I admit I was hiring mercenaries and assassins, despite what the Grand Cleric would have wanted. They were hunting the Champion and Scourge. I could not afford them for long and some turned on me. I would _never_ send anything against the Divine!"

The Templar looked doubtful.

"I... failed. I ended up alone among Fereldans. One of them saved my life and we went on a pilgrimage to Andraste's Ashes." I didn't want to speak further lies.

"You saw the Ashes?" Now she was surprised.

Remembering the awe I felt after crossing that fire, I felt at peace again. "Yes. She was born in Denerim, so barbarians are Her people too."

With the chains no longer a threat, I dropped them out the porthole and they splashed quietly into the waters of the Minanter. I rubbed my ankles and checked again at my wrists for infection. My equipment and possessions were returned, and I almost enjoyed the irony of using one of my last potions in front of the Templar who'd guarded me.

The soreness faded and skin took on an unbronzed skin color. A few minutes more and the smaller scabs fell off. I flexed my fingers and checked my draw, concerned that these weeks of idleness would be a problem if I needed to fight. The string felt a little stiff, but I was able.

A cough came and I realized that the Templar Ser was still present and watching.

"How could you be sure it was Her Ashes? What did you see? Those rumors were all lies and fraud."

I understood her wonder but it was hard to explain in a partial way. "Did you read the brief account Brother Genetivi wrote? It was correct to a point, the details of the inner shrine's challenges are a protection and a test of faith. There were threats from deluded fools who blocked access. Inside, a Guardian, somehow from the time of Andraste, would not let any pass if they would not face the tests. The tests came partly from ourselves and our experiences, so yours would not be the same as mine."

"What were the tests? What happened to the other pilgrims?" She was so very earnest and almost seemed too young for her rank as Lieutenant.

Judging ages for women who disdained fashion was no longer my strong suit and I shook my head. "Most of it tested wisdom and faith. The Guardian said we would not fail if we were worthy. I had to face my regrets, my dark side, and my fear of being unworthy of my family name... It was eye-opening."

She didn't seem satisfied, but she must have realized that I _could not_ give more details. I would help her begin her search for enlightenment if she wanted, but I would not add much to the Brother's account.

Starkhaven looked peaceful as we docked. My watcher seemed a little awkward when she was given the guard chamber of the guest suite. She wasn't surprised that I had a sumptuous suite, but that her room was as large as it was. I decided not to mention that the chamber might often house as many as six guards if it was for a delegation from Antiva or an ambitious lord from Orlais.

I believed I could trust her more than Seneto... he tried to kill me last year.

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_A/N: Part of the one prayer was adapted from the Little Treasure of Prayers. Thanks to my beta reader who has been kind enough to read this and point out stupid flubs. Any typos that remain are not intentional... Reviews or a PM to let me know what you think would be very appreciated._


	3. The Last Hawke

_The Dragon Age world, plot, and their characters aren't mine but belong to Bioware. Some characters may be my creations. I get no money for writing this sequel. _

_- x x -_

**Former ****Warden Prison, Vimmark Wilderness**

**- Warden Bethany Hawke**

A Templar ship docked in Kirkwall and Aveline's husband said it had Seekers.

Old panic came when I heard that. They'd hunted me for most of my life. I was afraid of being hauled away into Aeonar. Tales of the prison for mages in the northern mountains haunted my childhood. The bad Templars locked up apostates with bloodmages. Demons fed on the blood mages where there was no escape.

Father wanted to scare me, and Kirkwall was a lot like what he scared me with. The Gallows loomed over me, giving my worst nightmares in my life. We waited on that awful island for days before uncle Gamlen roused himself from his stupor.

My hands shook when Donnic warned us. A strong arm went around me, and the brightness of lyrium cheering me almost as much as Fenris' quiet support.

Aldera looked at me, and I realized that she'd aged. She's not the flippant big sister and thief who stole small things for me when I was little. She's the hidden knife who did so well under Athenril.

Anders began to collect their equipment as Sister looked around. It seemed so familiar, until I traced the memory back to trips with Mother and Father.

I didn't need to scramble, being protected in my uniform from the Templars.

Sister wore a uniform too as we worked in the ruins, a very old one. Her dark hair shorn short for the first time I could remember. This new Grey Warden didn't resemble my sister that much, much like Anders didn't resemble the mage I first met. They both had loose, brown hair, nearly the same color actually. Sister's hair showed a new curl.

I had just the same dark hair I'd ever had.

Three Wardens arrived with Donnic, strangers and newer to the order than I. They weren't as new as Aldera, but none of us really wanted to test conscription as the reason to let Aldera and Anders live.

"We got a message from a Guardsman that there was an old base here with darkspawn. Senior Warden?" The warrior asked Anders and looked at me, trying to guess who was senior.

Anders seemed surprised. I almost laughed at him.

"Heysal. I'm under orders and cannot finish cleanup here. It must be taken down to bare walls and scoured of everything man-made too. Be careful of the hot springs, the fumes are as dangerous as the extremely tainted and darkspawn that were trapped in there. It tainted everything in the place like broodmothers, leaving everything slimy and full of icky stuff..."

I interrupted. "We sent notice to Orzammar to see if we can borrow some dwarves who know about reclaiming sections of the Deep Roads. This is too close to the surface to leave unmanned until that's done."

"Hawke," Anders pitched his voice at me with more intensity and less affection.

I thought it felt strange for him to call me that. "What?"

"Don't forget you are to learn those potions from Avernus."

That was _not_ a top priority for me right now. "Someone needs to stay here, for a while. I will be fine."

Sister made a face and wanted to scold me. Now I had a trump card. "Brana, show them the remains of that dragon and the way to the entrance before you pack up for Senior-Warden Heysal's trip."

I used a bored and dismissive Commander's voice. Warden-Commander Njáll used it on me in Ansburg for years. I _enjoyed_ rubbing it in.

Carver would have loved it.

Aldera's smile faded, because she had to suck it up. But she didn't say anything as she led them into the Carta section of the outerworks, past the ashes where we'd burnt the bodies under the open sky.

Anders threw me a glare. He asked Donnic about Darktown as he packed.

Fenris spoke into my ear. "You sounded a little like a Magister. Was that intentional?"

"Maker, no! I.. old disputes from years ago. Carver was able to stand up to her more."

"I see." His voice was non-committal.

Again I wondered if Fenris hadn't been more involved with Sister when I was gone.

At least Carver never had that worry.

Sister always got more respect and even boys following her around Lothering... just because she went out more. She was always busy playing Father's favorite assistant.

I was horribly embarrassed when Duggl started flirting with me after Father died. Even worse when he used Sister's name by accident as he clutched me close. When I boxed his ears, he got mad that none of us put out, which just wasn't fair. Then he insulted Carver and I nearly burnt him.

When I had my Joining, I got the chance to be free of both Father and Aldera's protection.

It wasn't that great.

Oh, I'd known more than I thought Sister could guess, but most Wardens used all their off duty time as an excuse to eat, drink, and bed as many partners as they could. Others like Howe were dedicated, but they still had goals outside their duty.

I wasn't either of those.

Anders finished packing and stepped over to me. "You need to meet with Avernus, before the end of the year. There's a small village and market forming below the peak. There's no real Warden base, unless you count the most senior Warden there is. Take care of this place first."

It seemed ironic to have such a rebellious Warden ordering me, but I had no previous orders to claim and I didn't like lying.

When Sister returned with the newcomers, it wouldn't be very long until she and Anders left with Donnic tomorrow, like Varric and Aveline had before. That left me in command of these wardens and with a new weight of responsibility after hearing the whispers while Corypheus slept.

I didn't think there were any other darkspawn in the tunnels and tower yet. Finding where the tunnel hole was and closing it would require time and careful planning. None of these Wardens had the stone working skills, so Orzammar or maybe another base could lend them. Bansil was only slightly senior of the other two, and they were all in Kirkwall on supply runs. He, Selco, and Alvirr wanted to explore before they went inside.

Explaining what happened would make a wild tale, even without Varric's help. Sister and Anders disappeared while I told the other Wardens probably for another romp. I wanted to hide the shameful things Wardens had done, but that was pointless. Varric had already left with the story. He'd taken so many notes as we told Captain Aveline what happened. I doubted it would take that many weeks until his first tale appeared in Kirkwall and then traveled on the wings of gossip.

Hiding what happened would only encourage others to continue with dangerous and festering secrets, ones that nearly destroyed Kirkwall.

That made vigilance impossible.

Jeneka's private notes were plentiful evidence, and Selco had seen her writing before.

Bansil was uneasy when he finished reading and nodded at Fenris. "Why was this warrior still here? He is no Warden that he should have been present at a _Warden_ base."

Fenris said nothing.

"We did not know this was a Warden base when I came. The Carta tried to kidnap me, and _**that**_ isn't Warden business. I asked friends like Varric and the Kirkwall Captain of the guard for help to find out why and stop it. Heysal and Brana offered to help."

"We fought dragons and darkspawn before, so the guards would not have been enough, even before we faced the darkspawn." Fenris finally spoke.

Not many were confident about facing darkspawn, and Alvirr showed suspicion that the others didn't. He took me aside. "Be done with it and conscript him if he is that capable, Ser."

I hated how the Joining changed me and would not do that to _anyone._ "There is no need, he is not tainted and I will not take his freedom away from him like mine was." I had always been trapped as a mage, apostate, and now Warden. Outsiders still saw the mage first and not a Grey Warden. Wardens like Janneka did not help either.

"Having that sword hang over him if he fights with you is not kind either. Will you feel any better if he dies in your arms from the taint? That his needless death is on your soul?"

I had to look away.

I had some of the precious mixes for a Joining even if I lacked the Cup. Anders drilled me on it while we worked and waited for more Wardens. I would do it, but I didn't want to enslave Fenris to a corrupted order because I was lonely there.

Fenris deserved the choice.

He deserved a future, away from the brotherhood of the dead.

I moved to one of the intact outer rooms that Fenris and I had chosen to make ours. Fenris followed me, with one of his quiet snorts when he shut the door and added wood to the old fire pit. I wasn't sure if he disliked what Alvirr said or my actions.

The wood wasn't that dry and I used a fire spell to make sure it kindled. Fenris looked over the papers I kept for my report to my Warden-Commander.

He remained silent when I slid onto the edge of the chair with him. His eyes squinted like he didn't like the details.

But the suspicious actions of these other Wardens weren't as shocking as they would have been even a few months ago. Sister was a killer, she was conscripted. Anders was an apostate running free before his Joining... and then caused far more destruction. Murderers were those conscripted most of the time.

There were no kind souls for long in the Wardens and I had been a Warden for years.

We'd gotten close here while we chased after Father's legacy, but I didn't know if Fenris wanted anything permanent. I knew that elves who became Wardens, Dalish or Alienage, didn't seem to want human lovers.

I wasn't about to leave the Wardens. I didn't have Anders' confidence or drive. I didn't want anything that badly. I couldn't see any good reason to Join if you hadn't gotten tainted. Sooner or later the taint kills us and I didn't want him to die.

Not that I wanted to die either, but there was no better choice for me.

"Do you want to eat before they return and eat the choicest hard tack?"

I looked over and saw a trace of a smile. "I don't think the Carta bought anything tasty."

That topic flopped and died, but Fenris just tilted his head. "That is not what worries you."

"I'm not sure if I want to go back to Ansburg. I cannot convince myself that my Warden-Commander is not complicit." I didn't want say I wanted to sic Sister or Anders on him, but it would be entertaining to watch.

Fenris spoke. "May I come with you? Tradetown or Deep Roads."

This was the nexus of my worry. "Are you sure you want to travel with a mage? A Grey Warden? An apostate who never faced a Harrowing and stayed out of the proper place for all mages?"

"You are not a Magister. You are clearly the best a mage can become, without the evil of the Magisters, and the foolish choices of the abomination or the bloodmage. You have the kind heart most mages lack." Fenris was not angry.

I had to stand up again, reminded of what I learned here. "My father was a _blood mage_ and a good man. I'm proud of how he raised me and kept us safe. Can you accept that?"

"He was dangerous, and did not squander his freedom by failing to fight for you, for his family. How could I not respect that?" He stood and stepped closer to brush my cheek. "You are beautiful and good, inside and out. I would remain at your side."

"I thought you wanted Sister first?"

He flushed. "Err, ah... yes. I admired.. admire her willingness to help others when it is right, with little care for profit or allegiances. But it was clear she favored the mage and _his__ cause,_ and was not interested in anything.. more than friendship."

With his usual gruffness, I had to smile at how flustered Fenris was at my question. I brushed his ear, a safer area to touch than most, despite its sensitivity. "I see how that worked out; you had such harsh words when we met."

"No! I was foolish then." Fenris hunched a little. "Hawke had rather biting words for me for hurting you when you left Danarius' mansion. The abom... Anders only glowered. It was clear to me that Kirkwall wasn't as free as it appeared at first. Danarius was still playing his games and threatening me even here."

I remembered my disgust. "I know, slavers owned Grandfather's estate when we finished with Athenril. Destroying them was a pleasure."

Fenris' smile lit up his face. "Isn't it? A mabari is a thousand times more noble than the Magisters and their procurers."

I touched his chest plate carefully, hiding my smirk. "You do know how to flatter any true Fereldan. I think the bigger problem was their mutual attraction. I was talking to Varric while Anders kept a heavy silence in the Deep Roads."

"He is dangerous to those around him because of his foolishness. I didn't like that extra risk to the Hawkes."

I had to look away, remembering those echoes I faintly heard of Corypheus' thoughts. "I can't say I like that either. My sister was trapped with Anders long before her conscription. I thought it was sad when Anders' friend was made Tranquil. And after he helped Justice in Amaranthine... it was all so terribly romantic to me then."

"An abomination was romantic to you?" His disbelief was almost breathless.

That made me sigh. "You don't see the Fade the way we do. I didn't have a Harrowing but Father told me about his. Anders won't talk about his. Father had to face a demon calling itself Vainglory, but he could only run and hide over and over for what seemed days... Until a spirit gave him advice on how to face down the demon."

The elf's lips curled, but not enough to become cute. "He made a deal?"

"No. My father used _**no**_ blood magic in all the years he taught me, I don't think he could have hidden scars from curious children. The spirit called itself Industry, and admired Father's determination and _gave_ him hints as to how defeat the demon. Most spirits that appear in dreams don't... take on a whole virtue in a name."

"Like Justice?"

Sometimes I was surprised at how little he knew about magic. "I've seen named spirits and demons in my dreams, but Justice is a very big ideal for a spirit to choose. Am I worried about the spirit or Anders' self control? It wasn't long until I began to worry about that spirit from the Fade. Fight enough demons and their puppets and you can't help worry about the one who was friendly with Sister when I left or what deal Merrill has made.

"Then I was young and silly, and I thought his breakdown in the Chantry was about romantic lost love. They were friendly but I hadn't quite realized they were closer friends until we were in the Deep Roads. I was frightened by everything down there. I was afraid to talk to him after my injury or have him treat me. I could heal _myself_."

"I am sorry." Fenris had already put an arm around me as I spoke and pulled me over to sit on the bunk we were using.

I was remembering my last days in Lothering. "We saw some who were tainted and going mad in Lothering, after Sister and Carver enlisted. We... I had to kill one and burn a shed to disguise how he died. When I was in the Deep Roads I knew what happened as the taint ate them. I didn't want to die. Magic couldn't heal me no matter how much I tried, in Lothering or the Deep Roads. Anders told us I had a chance, if I became a Warden. Later I came to know how often that chance fails."

"You lived."

"Then I wasn't quite sure why Anders was sad when he told us the Joining would let me live, maybe I thought that they'd just mourn over my body heaped with lilies." I had to laugh now. "Being a Warden wasn't so romantic when I was being trained and put under their discipline."

"You were already very disciplined with your magic."

That reminded me of my Warden training under Stroud and the occasional visiting mage. I had cooked and sewn in Lothering, but I had not stood watch after a long day of fighting and been called 'Dog Princess' because I didn't know how to make privy pits and didn't participate in the feasting when off duty. My seniors did not appreciate my complaints or opinions even if I was already experienced against many enemies.

"The Wardens who trained me would not agree about my discipline. As a new Warden I got the distasteful chores on top of training. Some positively enjoyed making me sweat and strain. I racked up a lot of marks for attitude, but there was a _more_ efficient way to..."

Fenris laughed. "That must have gotten you more marks."

"It did and for the longest time I would have preferred to have died in my Joining..." My breath froze. "You're not supposed to know that."

"I was nearly sure. What they didn't say, spoke volumes."

I fingered the griffin on my armor. "I didn't know then that it was a risk and was afraid just from what Anders didn't say. The Wardens put you to work almost immediately, to make sure you won't fold in battle. Sooner in Ferelden, since they didn't have enough at the start of the Blight and fewer after. Anders and Nathaniel were trained like that. I was mad at everyone because I was a Warden. I knew it wasn't fair, but I couldn't stop."

I should have gone home on leave to see Mother, but I didn't want to see Sister.

"You survived the taint. You survived the Blight. Survival comes first."

My bile rose, but I fought it down. "I didn't survive. I'm still dying, still marking time until I go to the Maker. I was afraid to die and afraid to become a Warden and lose my family and wanted Aldera to decide. Didn't know I was deciding that I would never have a family too." I'd decided he might as well know, I didn't care today. "I wanted children and a garden just like Mother. I saw other girls in Lothering meet someone and get pregnant. I was so careful when I touched their bellies, I could feel the babe already in the shallows of the Fade, happy or irritated even if they didn't know what was coming in a few weeks."

My hands clenched into fists. "I _wanted _that feeling. Because of _**me**_, we moved over and over when I was little. We were all alone. Mother barely admitted she had family until we fled the Blight. By then, we'd lost Father and Carver. I almost never went away from home without Sister or Carver in Lothering. When we explored the mansion Mother grew up in, I wanted to raise a family there... I could have reconciled myself if I was the aunt."

Remembering my first visit to Lowtown after my training, bitterness overwhelmed me. "Now I can't have any of that. No children... When I saw Sister during the Qun attack outside Uncle's home, it was very clear to me that she and Anders weren't just friends. He blocked any chance of me having a niece."

A look of surprise flickered across his face and he chafed my arms. "Is that why you have been careful not to mention Joining to me, you want a chance we might have a child?"

I could feel the flush of embarrassment on my face. "Yes... no. It's more than that. Few Wardens have ever had a child, right after their Joining, and it's only legend if both are Wardens. I'm past that time. Outside Ferelden, there are few female Grey Wardens. A Warden gives up things large and small, and raising a family is at the top of that list. I don't want anyone to face that too."

"Not that you're ashamed of me that I am an elf, was once a slave, or that I'm not a Grey Warden?"

That made me look up and into his verdant eyes. I was surprised at how quiet and heavy his voice was.

I traced down his lower arm, feeling the tingle of the lyrium hidden under his leather. "_**N**__**o**__**.**_ You would do very well if you survived your Joining. I hate that Sister had to Join because of what Anders did. And that she didn't find someone like you that she _could_ have had a family with."

"That does require that she be interested." His voice was dry.

"I was interested, why wouldn't she be? Those eyes and that voice... she's an idiot. Some luck _finally_ came _my_ way." I had had few 'gentleman friends,' as Mother liked to call the boys who followed Sister. It was too risky when we never knew who might betray Father and me.

It was a lonely way to grow up.

"You, Beth, just like me for my big sword." Fenris' breath warmed my ear before his lips grazed my cheek.

Better was how he felt against me, warm and strong as he leaned against me and made me feel safe. "You caught me. You'd better sheathe that before we go to sleep." I had learned not to play any restraints, he got too intense.

His chuckle echoed through me as we raced to remove leather and silverite mail as quickly as we could. Our weapons were still within reach, but my Warden armor made a chinging sound as it hit the floor.

His skin glowed slightly and I had to keep a portion of concentration to resist drawing on his lyrium. Nothing stopped our pleasures as quickly as the wrong magic so close to his markings. I was getting better, though.

As soon as we curled against each other to rest, Fenris took a deep breath and his glow dimmed a little. His fingers slid over my stomach and stopped. "I never thought much about children, any more than I thought about going to the Dales. That kind of opportunity was common when I was in the Imperium, though many slaves might be bred, not always from their own willingness. I only remember a few snatches from before my... memory was lost."

I carefully slid my arms around him and put my cheek on his chest, the light reflecting off my skin. "You are yourself, do you really want to remember all that was lost? Wouldn't it have to have been bad to convince you to agree?"

"I still feel incomplete, like there are pieces of me stolen away by Danarius. I have remembered a few things, but it's so little." His wiry body got tense and stiff as he spoke.

"Maybe I can see if I can learn something from Warden archives. We have the oddest bits of knowledge in our outposts." I took a breath, because I had two other ideas I thought he might not like. "We night be able to contact the few Wardens in Tevinter. Relations are not very friendly, but they might help. Would you consider asking Anders?"

"Him?" Fenris didn't need to spit to show his distrust.

That made me smile. "He's had much more training than me, as much as I hate to admit it. Worst that happens is that he doesn't know anything. Aldera's my sister. That's what family is, you're stuck with them even if you're angry at them. "

Fenris snorted but didn't say anything else.

No one wanted to tell me the details about what happened with his sister, only that she was an apprentice mage and betrayed him in favor of a Magister. She was a terrible sister.

Aldera never betrayed me, I felt safer entering the Deep Roads with her than staying in Kirkwall. The Maker let me survive the Deep Roads.

Even so, Mother wanted _one of us_ to settle and have a family. With three children she shouldn't expect that to have been so impossible. "Mother wanted Sister to marry, to have had a family. The Amell name... regaining what was lost by Uncle. Explorer of the Deep Roads and noble in Hightown Champion! _Andraste, she was friends with a prince._ Why couldn't she settle down like Mother wanted and have a family? She had _everything_ we wanted when we got here, why would she throw it away?"

He struggled to sit up and look me in the eyes. "You think she should have had a consort, maybe a whore from the Rose? Or just use someone so she could have a baby? That's what it would have been if she loved someone else."

"No, that's not what I meant."

"Didn't your mother defy her family to marry who she wanted, even if it was a mage? Didn't your grandparents want her to marry from Hightown? Would she have defied them if it had been only a merchant or an _elf_?"

I glared at him. "That's different. Father escaped, he was just a mage."

"A blood mage, binding demons to his will so they could escape. His blood was what held Corypheus for another generation. Your mother and sister chose to live dangerously."

"Mother despaired that Aldera didn't want to settle down and raise a family. I don't think Mother ever knew about Justice or why Sister didn't even seem to talk about marriage. Father might have understood better after redoing those bindings. They seem to be happy, and that, Mother and Father would have liked."

Fenris shook his head. "Hawke is Champion even if Kirkwall has passed. I don't know if she and her abomination will force their change or they will be symbols of that change. They will remake their better world or end in martyrdom... My plans are more modest. A jug of wine, a lovely woman, and the right to be free. Could I have those?"

I had a duty, but this wasn't his real question and I rubbed my cheek against his. "We're a little short on wine, but... my hopes are modest too." Then I kissed him.

Later the other Wardens clattered in the outer room, but thank the Maker, they did not come in to socialize. We were settled in a nest of blankets and bedroll and pushed away clothing, and I traced down his chest keeping a tight rein on my magic. "You do realize that this means that Anders would be almost your brother now? They might as well be married."

He stiffened for and instant. "I... had not considered that. To have family is unexpected. My sister listened to the siren call of Magister power and I resigned myself to being without kin even if she lived."

I didn't think he was done.

Fenris rubbed his brow as if he had a headache. "My brother is an abomination."

"The headache goes away, sooner or later." I carefully used the lightest of healing magic. "I don't doubt Anders loves her, but between Justice and the taint he has a double share of problems compared to other apostates. Still, I wonder if Justice is fond of Sister a little, too."

"That is disturbing in a _new_ way. I'd rather make plans with _you_, Beth."

"Anders is senior to me, despite that playacting we did earlier. Unless there is a clear and immediate reason to ignore them, I should follow his orders."

"_His_ orders?" Fenris sounded a little horrified. His face showed the same kind of disgust as a wet cat.

"Being crazy isn't enough of a reason to disobey if they're _good_ enough at killing Darkspawn. Skill trumps seniority. I suspect he's the best Warden-Mage there is now, because I haven't met another who was as effective at balancing healing and heavy attacks. I was never taught that blizzard spell he uses, but he said he learned it from a senior enchanter who fought the Archdemon. He could have become a First Enchanter eventually in Kinloch if he'd wanted. Wardens are all about 'in war, victory, in peace, vigilance, in death, sacrifice.' He still follows that."

That flash of a smile made Fenris look more satisfied. "You are senior to Hawke, though."

I had to laugh at that for a long moment. "Do you really think that makes a difference? With her combat skill? You said it earlier, Sister and Anders stride across the history of the fifth Blight and Kirkwall. Stroud made _sure_ I toed the line. Sister was given free reign by the rogue Cousland as if that was how it should be. They will remain like that until their... Callings. No. it's much quieter in the Deep Roads than around them."

"Not too quiet, cattle live quietly and destroying darkspawn is nearly as satisfying as Magisters and their works." His grin was predatory.

"We may not have either for a while. Anders ordered that I meet a very senior Warden, who has mastered his taint without becoming like Larius. I thought they were coming with me." I knew how chancy life as a Warden could be, aside from how many hunted them.

Fenris leaned close against me. "I'm sure we will see them again. I can't see Hawke seeking places like Orlais or Nevarra or Antiva. And if... Anders remains as attached to her, they may outlast the war he started."

"A Tevinter general took an Antivan city but another is now pacifying it. No one seems to know where the general was assigned. Maybe he will attack Pol Vallen next or some other weak point. The war is not just what Anders started."

"It should have stopped with Kirkwall because the true character of that city is cursed. And that corruption was from Corypheus." The curl of his lip was clear as Fenris spoke.

I couldn't quite worry about war on the surface as I should. "Wars up on the surface seems so far away when I'm in the Deep Roads, aside from worrying about Sister."

_- x -_

_A/N: Some lines are adapted from canon. Thanks to my beta reader who has been kind enough to read this and point out stupid flubs. Any typos that remain are not intentional... Reviews or a PM to let me know what you think would be very appreciated._


	4. Taking Flight

_The Dragon Age world, plot, and their characters aren't mine but belong to Bioware. Some characters may be my creations. I get no money for writing this sequel. _

_- x x -_

**V****immark Mountains, Warden Prison**

**- ****Ald****era Hawke**

These ruins didn't feel any less foreboding and evil... yet.

Even after staying in the old ruins for weeks, there was still so much to destroy; Void take the asses. Like some grenade left behind by Tevinter and Wardens in supreme idiocy, waiting for ages to blow up in our faces, this place had to be cleaned out. Bethany and Anders, with advice from Fenris, hunted for what to destroy. Paws and I used surviving brontos to move those things to slag, though all five of us, six including Paws, were sore at the end of each day.

Aveline and Donnic returned to Kirkwall shortly after we emerged. They left rations that were a little more palatable than what the Carta left, even if they underestimated how much three Wardens ate. Aveline came, or sent Donnic, with some more food every few days.

Too much ancient sludge was left behind when the Wardens took the place from Corypheus and locked him up like seed grain. Unlike them, I didn't care how Magisters raised the power to enter the Fade. I didn't care what they thought it would accomplish. All it brought was death and madness and corruption in its wake, and Kirkwall in particular was drowning in it.

The first thing we did after the battle was burn the bodies of the Magister and all the dead Wardens. Then we did the same for Carta, sometimes saying a few words over the pyres. Burning the other old debris took longer. Varric and I used surviving brontos and carts to move shit around while the others argued about how much to destroy.

We didn't let Varric or Fenris, as non-Wardens, touch any tainted remains. I know I watched for any taint for them with worry. Both were pronounced clean soon enough. Then it was weeks of work. We found more records of generations of Wardens and hired mages like our father but nothing significant was found.

Not even a few days after Aveline left, Anders and Bethany decided how to dismantle and destroy those Fade-linked things. Those urns had some of that mist, ever pouring out of them, and those were disturbing to me. Our mages were very pale as they tried to suppress the remaining magics.

I stepped beside Anders and gripped his arm firmly again, like had been so terribly necessary for a few days. "How are you doing, honey?"

His face lit up. "I like that, love, you had a little purr as you spoke."

I looked for Ser Mew, and didn't hide my eyeroll.

A calloused thumb tickled my palm. "I'm fine, love. His voice is gone and Justice is nearly in embarrassed hibernation. The Fade is very, very thin here. I don't know what these things are doing, but I'm sure shutting them down is a good idea."

Varric scraped his boot. "Now that brings up another bit of news. You Wardens don't really need me for this and I have some business to get back to."

Anders snorted and I had to laugh. "Now really, Varric, are you trying to catch the new rye crop, or hoping to get a new book written in time for Funalis?"

He rubbed the side of his nose like when we were mocking one of Anders' obvious fibs. "I'll never tell, Hawke. You have a couple of months before my next one reaches the shops."

"Why couldn't you have it at some Proving in a lost thaig?" Anders asked, grumbling.

"I want some details for the lost thaig of Fannor clan before I write that one." Varric grinned. "I'm glad we all got out of this one sane. Stop in for a drink before you move on, won't you, Hawke? I got something for you."

I pretended annoyance, but I missed his company more than most things about Kirkwall. "We can't carry all your books with us for bedtime reading."

"No, I pocketed something you might find useful, but I'll tell that story another day. Goodbye Sunshine, Broody, Blondie, Hawke... and Messer Glowy wherever you are." Varric started walking away

"_**I am not Glowy."**_

I tried to hush Justice, but I suspected _that_ joke would never get old.

With Varric gone, this got a lot less fun. I didn't begrudge him leaving, he had his own business and I didn't think he ever worked as a farmhand or in construction. We burned, and broke, and melted, and scattered. Decorative bits that Fenris thought were Magister insanity had priority. I wanted to leave this place as close to bare rock as we could manage.

One day my hair got drenched by some of the glowing water. Between the smell and the stain, I wanted it off my head. "Anders, take it off."

"Love?" He looked unhappy.

"I'm tired of the gunk and ichor, and we have so much more to clean up."

Anders' dismay was almost comic. "I shouldn't have made that joke. I'm sorry, love."

I made a face. "Don't be silly, I like your jokes. Glowing hair will be much funnier when it won't happen again."

"I love your longer hair. Dera." His fingers almost touched the offending hair, but he couldn't run his fingers through it, as clumpy as it was. He frowned too.

"It'll grow back, unless there's a spell to hurry that."

He shook his head. It didn't take that long for him to carefully cut my hair down to stubble.

His face was flat as he looked at me.

My head was cold and I started to pull my hood back up, thinking of nothing.

Suddenly Anders pulled me against him, his fingers against my skull as his lips took mine.

"Doesn't matter, love, not at all..." he said against my bare skull, his breath warm. At first it was just his lips, but a lick came and then stopped. "Must get that stuff washed off, but your skull is lovely too."

Some days later my head had a fine fuzz when Donnic arrived at noon; this was his third rations run midway through Justinian. As welcome as fresh food was, he brought three Wardens who had been in Kirkwall. I would have preferred Wardens we already knew, but they plainly came from other bases and didn't recognize either of us.

Anders pushed the arriving Wardens off on Bethany while we started packing to leave. I didn't really want to chat with then, but wanted to get to Kirkwall and out on the first Warden-friendly ship for points south in the morning.

Once these Wardens were examining the bones of that dragon, Bethany and Fenris went into their room and didn't come out as we made a hot meal with the fresh supplies.

I wanted my sister to be happy. And I wanted Fenris to be happy. I wasn't as sure they could be happy together.

But I would resist saying anything about that. The boys she dreamed about in Lothering would not be able to deal with the lives we found. Enough people warned me about Anders. I wasn't about to do the same to Bethany.

We were eating our early dinner with Donnic, when Paws whined a warning.

Aveline rounded a rock a little after I realized we had more Wardens. This time Sigrun led a couple of other dwarven Wardens. A half dozen Wardens should be able to make this place as safe as I'd prefer.

Aveline and Donnic shared a restrained embrace.

The two new dwarves looked a little nervous and kept their helmets on to shield their eyes. I could see that these helms gave them a smaller field of view too. Sigrun was keeping a closer look at them than I thought they realized while Bansil introdiced himself, Alvirr, and Selco.

Sigrun came over to where Anders and I sat with our meals. "Another leaking hole in the Fade, Sparklefingers? Didn't anyone tell you how to patch a bucket?"

Anders crossed his arms and forced a smile. "Try patching a net with a torch. I don't know if the water can be cleansed somehow. Maybe put in a tavern or a stage. A whorehouse is much more useful than a prison for darkspawn."

Sigrun grinned back. "_You're_ the expert at that, mage. I think I'd like a more detailed story than that message sent by pigeon."

"Don't take long, Anders," Donnic interrupted in a hurry, his voice cracking a little. "A Templar ship docked at the Gallows, a troop ship."

Aveline crossed her arms and put on her cross 'Captain' voice. "We return tonight, Guardsman. You _should _leave too, Hawke."

I'd nodded at Aveline's order.

The human Wardens' expressions changed as they realized who we were. Sigrun was a Commander the dwarven Wardens weren't reacting to us..

Bansil glared at us when he realized. "_You're_ the Scourge? You're not in Tevinter or Pol Valen or Orlais? Wardens are not supposed to get involved in politics and petty wars! He... You! You will bring down a March against the Grey Wardens. You can't use our lives to save your sorry hides! I heard _**he**_ was a Warden, but not you..."

"I was conscripted after Kirkwall and drank that damn cup, too. How many Wardens are thieves and murderers, again? I'm very, very good at killing darkspawn. If you think I'm doing this to hide behind your shields like some nobleman, we can have a duel right now." I really would have preferred staying Brana a bit longer, as it was tiring to be Hawke.

One of the nearly hooded dwarves laughed, his chest heaving. "You do that, human. They won a Proving, and grand one it was. I'll wait over here until the nug can't squeal anymore."

Anders was annoyed. "That's why the Wardens Heysal and Brana are under orders. Since we killed the ancient and tainted Magister that was held here, we _must_ move on so we don't cause that March you're afraid of. I have always fought darkspawn, and so has Hawke even before her Joining."

Arkun, the ax warrior dwarf, stopped laughing. "If the politics up here on the surface aren't that important to you surfacers, then why do you care what he does when not in the Deep Roads? Look at me, I was Carta in Orzammar until I found a deshyr to stand as sponsor in Provings so I wouldn't be stuck in Dust Town for a very short life. They must be good at Wardening to call us for cleanup of a spawn nest."

The female dwarf, Walda, spoke quietly. "We don't have enough to do a full tainted thaig clean-out. But I know the principles and the weather will help with the rest."

"How do we know they won't make us into abominations?" Selco looked more wary than the dwarves.

"We can't do that, any more than Wardens drink baby blood and use ogres to plow a field." I was tired of this, and it probably wasn't going to stop for the rest of my life.

Anders told Sigrun a very concise version of what happened.

Aveline looked at the light. "We have enough light to cover the worst terrain before full dark."

We left in only a few more minutes after some quick goodbyes with Sigrun, and Donnic led the way. He knew the pathway well now. It was narrow and we had to scramble single file, but still we had some time until we were too close to Kirkwall to talk.

"Anders, do you want to risk a short visit?"

"Probably, love. People don't care nearly as much as the Chantry thinks." He panted a little, as Donnic kept us moving fast.

I wanted to glare at him, but it wouldn't have much effect while we watched our footing on the washed out trail.

"Brana, we're just two Grey Wardens, back from a mission. Anyone seeing us will expect to see us passing through or looking for a brothel."

"Why would I want that, I have you?" I wasn't sure if I hid my smile from my voice,

His chuckle was short as he scrambled up a wash behind me. "Why, yes, you do. And I'll have you know I am quite skilled and can satisfy the Ser's every pleasure..."

Donnic snorted in front of us when Ander's seductive voice floated up to him. I turned back enough to glare at Anders.

"Ser!" Anders continued with a cheeky grin, "I have been rated as a top draw at the Pearl, able to charge the highest rates during that tenure. Never did I have any customer leave without a smile on their faces no matter how out of sorts when they arrived."

The smile I loved, but I turned ahead to jump over a narrow waterbed and didn't look back.

After a minute of two he caught up to me and pulled me to a stop. "Love?"

My eyes were wet and I was biting my lip to prevent saying something stupid. All I could do was shake my head.

His face fell and he put his arms around me. "We _will_ talk about this as soon as we can, Dera."

I wiped my eyes and nodded. The rest of the trip was quiet.

When we reached the old sally gate, we slipped in with Paws sniffing the air. I didn't see any disruptions nor hear any excitement. Aveline was pleased, despite the late hour and darkness when we returned.

I gave a last tiny wave to Donnic and a quick hug for Aveline before moving off towards one of the Lowtown markets. There we bought something to eat, as the most consistent thing at the Hanged Man was the terrible food.

Entering, I marched like some of the Wardens with Janneka, as if I was better. Anders glided more than his usual spring. That ended up making me feel nauseous.

Still no one seemed to react at all and we reached Varric's room without even being slowed down.

His suite had a couple of merchants talking to him. Varric put his feet down as we first entered, but then annoyance changed to a grin. "Now that's better, Warden..."

"Brana," I said pointing my thumb at myself, and then at Anders. "Heysal. We're here to confirm some rumors tracking back to you."

"Anything to help Grey Wardens on duty. Filo, that shipment should go with a good caravan, find a way. Kloss, get me those proofs in three days." Varric hustled them out of his suite and shut the door.

"We can't stay for that drink, we're late for a mission."

Varric nodded. "You heard about that ship. It may not be too bad, but I expect a returning visitor any time, myself. I got this ring as an unexpected gift from the Seeker, and think you will appreciate the gem..." His grin nearly split his face.

The ring was a fine, old Nevarran signet, suitable for forgery; certainly it should vouch for us in some situation.

I grinned back. "That should fetch good silver, thanks." I hugged him, as we didn't stay long enough to speak more.

Warden Brana had orders to train at the Vigil, and our contacts helped vet a ship leaving port for Highever. Those were our public orders, but we still had to decide where to go after that. We were leaving Kirkwall with much less excitement than last time.

The distance across the Waking Sea wasn't that far, because so many sailors claimed you could see both coasts from a crow's nest on a clear day. This ship was a fishing vessel, that sold at both ports, had family in both ports, and was very sure it'd rather outrun trouble than see any.

As Wardens, we were slightly better than death and taxes. Respected but not loved. This was like and unlike what being the Champion was. I got respect, but people always _wanted_ something from the Champion. People wanted the Wardens and the immanent darkspawn attacks far away from them. Quickly sending us away to kill darkspawn made them much happier.

So we were given the Captain's cabin and privacy. A scullion, or whatever they were called at sea, brought us a meal. Travel as a Warden was so much better than the crowded and frightened hold when we fled the Blight, and the stinky hold when we fled Kirkwall. We had possibly the only cabin, which had small portholes for light and air. Ser Mew was welcomed more than Paws, but it should be a few days at worst.

Anders bounced on the bunk after the Captain's things had been hurriedly removed. "A bed with real sheets and blankets and not ancient and about to collapse, how quaint. How do we use this again?"

His eyes were wide with feigned innocence.

I had no reason to buy that playacting. We had a small room in the Carta area for weeks, with only my sister and Fenris nearby. "We could sleep, I'm tired after dealing with all those bones. Where are going to go next?"

Holding his hand up to beckon me closer, he pulled me to sit in his lap. "That too, but we've been far too _celibate_ with Bethany and Fenris nearby. We weren't as limited when we lived in Hightown..."

I stopped the cross words that immediately came to my lips about our leaving. I had vowed that I wanted us living there until the the day we died.

And yes, on some days I missed the little things of living in Hightown. A hot meal of fresh food was available no matter what time we dragged ourselves in or how bloody we were. We could collect books or interesting carvings for amusement or research. And probably the most important was that we had privacy, not that I had a snoring uncle Gamlen like before the Deep Roads. Mother died not long after Anders moved in.

We were so busy then with the looming problems with Patrice and the Arishok, that we didn't have that many opportunities for awkward meetings with her. Then it was just us two in the family rooms, and it was so quiet when Anders was out or working on his Manifesto.

For years.

I didn't realize how much I missed that until we were living cheek and jowl with other people almost constantly. First Merrill, then Sebastian, but after a few months in that tiny village it was into a Warden outpost and soon bunking with my prickly sister and pricklier Fenris. Worse was that worry that Varric would include more personal details in his stories.

On this ship we were just a pair of Wardens. We could relax... well, I could relax. Anders didn't care about privacy that much.

With my long silence he got tense as well. "Love?"

I took a deep breath and answered as calmly and I could. "We don't live like that anymore." I didn't really blame him, but it was still over.

"When are you going to let it go? Just because we aren't in your grandfather's mansion anymore doesn't mean our lives are over. We can still cherish what we do have." Anders cupped my cheek, even if there was a snap in his eyes.

I shook my head and his warm palm dropped away. "That isn't it. I just don't like an audience or not having watch on the road. We're wanderers now, and chances like this are always going to be rare."

"You're wrong, Hawke. I was fugitive many times before this, and I _never_ got caught because I was enjoying some time in the hay."

I was no less experienced in avoiding Templars. "You traveled alone, that makes it easier and safer. How long was your longest time free before your Joining again?"

He was getting angry, too. "I am not the foolish young mage anymore who barely knew how to cast a fire spell. I've been a Warden for years and faced everything but an archdemon now. _**We've**_ faced Meredith and dragons and Corypheus. Justice can watch later, he doesn't sleep. No small group is much of a threat to us, Hawke..."

That struck my fears. "We had Merrill's help, or Sebastian's, Fenris' or Bethany's... we were never just _us_ when there was a serious problem. We've had a lot of help through the years for all I was named Champion. Those mercenaries were _too many_ last time we were here. I failed and couldn't keep them away. Too little, too late, and wrong choices too many times. It's just too many deaths like Carver, Saemus, Mother, and all those others. I can't, I'm not enough."

_'...To keep you safe' I didn't say out loud._

Anders lifted my face up to him, his eyes wet too. His mouth moved but no words came out. "Dera... I."

My chest hurt so much and I took in what felt like the first air in several minutes as I looked at Anders' eyes and face, hoping he had some answer.

His breathing had gotten rougher, too, and he usually kissed me when I got this upset, but this time he pulled me into a tight embrace, more desperate than romance.

I had trouble breathing. Anders held me almost with crushing force, but I felt so lost that I didn't care.

When I finally realized I was shaking less, not having realized that I was shaking at all, Anders' murmuring was a comfort.

I wished I knew what he said.

Anders must have realized I had recovered in some way, because he said, "Dera, I adored you on Varric's expedition. You never let me down. I wouldn't be alive or sane without you..."

That was worse and I scrambled off his lap with a sob.

"Hawke!" His shout made me freeze.

But it didn't help with the new pain. "I don't want your _gratitude!_"

He gripped my arms, pushing me against the bulkhead, a flare of magic rippling through us. "Gratitude? _That's the least of why I can't live without you._ Hawke, if you had sent me away after the Chantry, I might as well have had Fenris rip my heart out. I would have haunted you if I never taken the chance, eating my heart out with every lover, every liaison, no matter what I said. I could not have left you, the tides would keep washing me back to you."

His hands crushing as they slid down to my hands. "Marry me, Hawke. I don't know how or where we can do it, but I want you to believe. Believe even when we get separated or, Maker forbid, when one of us dies, that this, this as permanent as anything can be away from the Maker's side."

My jaw dropped and my thoughts froze. I had pretty much given up all daydreams years ago, between Justice and everything.

His smile was a little watery, but he let go of my hands and kissed me until I was dizzy. He traced the tattoo on my cheek and said, "I think we're doing this a little backward. You're supposed to give me your answer first, aren't you? That is what those pulpy books suggest. Then we kiss."

I thought my heart would float away on a cloud and I ran my fingers up along the seam on his sleeve. "We can kiss after I say 'yes,' too."

He whooped and kissed me again. Or I kissed him, because it really didn't matter.

Soon we were curled up together, with me tucked inside his embrace. "Love? We only have a short time here. I doubt you meant to talk about your worry about my care or being a Champion. What subject went so awry?"

My skin got warm with embarrassment, especially with how loud our fight and conclusion had been. "I don't like an audience, especially for when we are intimate." I had to frown. "Even more if it's my sister... or Varric. Him, I'm half afraid he's going to put details in to liven up the story."

His skin got warmer. "It's a little late for that, he has in two of them already. At least some details are rubbish, any mage would know it's wrong."

I reached up to grip my forehead in frustration. "And how many mages frequent Orzammar and places like Lowtown to tell what's wrong? Can I just crawl into a hole and never come out?"

Laying his face alongside mine, Anders pointed out, "You can do that, you're a Warden. But you look better in sunlight." He paused a moment and added. "We are not _ever_ having separate bedrolls when we're married."

That was my biggest question right now. "What made you think of it? I mean now. We've been living together for years and it never seemed to occur to you. With all that happened from Vengeance and Justice not wanting you to visit me, I knew he'd block it. So I never said anything."

Justice manifested and sat up, the static feeling a little like rough burlap. "_**Kristof was married. I have no objection to that."**_

I wanted to laugh, but his reactions were rarely predictable. "So you didn't like that we were 'living in sin?" That was it? We could have skipped all those awkward evenings in the library just by getting married?"

Justice frowned. _**"That would have reduced my objections, even with the demon's influence. Marriage is a just relationship with legal and traditional duties and **__**privileges.**__** Justice governs relations with othe**__**r**__** people. **__**The mage never pursued any just relationships at the Vigil, only shallow ones.**__**"**_

Biting my lip was not completely preventing the humor in what he was saying, or what I thought Anders was thinking. "Justice, people need to pass through those shallow pools before they marry. Even arranged marriages have that with family and the early stages. Remember Aveline and the marigolds and starts she did with Donnic?"

"_**I thought that was unusual. Nothing in the mage's memory has events like those signal fires."**_

"Aveline's was unusual, but that kind of planning, panic, and desperately wanting to make a good impression happens for just about everyone. Anders couldn't know about marriage, but Aveline's was just fine." It sank in that they were both blind.

Justice faded away and Anders cuddled close, with quiet giggles shaking his chest. "Thank you for not laughing at him, love. Andraste's knickers, I could have asked you after the Deep Roads? Well, before Leandra passed at least."

Mother would have liked that. I thought she could have accepted childlessness too.

"There was another thing that helped." Anders pulled a little on my earring with his teeth. "Fenris wondered if we had married in the elven style in Tevinter. Often they don't have much chance to marry either, and trading earrings in other lands is probably a holdover of that custom."

"I will have to thank him, next time I see him." I smiled. Tomorrow we'd have to start trying to find a way,

"Just to make sure, that was a 'yes' to the question?" Anders' voice was hesitant.

I wasn't sure if that was a serious question. "Yes, that is a yes. Are you angling for more kisses out of one question?"

His lips trailing along my cheek to my lips, Anders then said, "Well, if Fenris is right, we've been married since Harvestmere. I am way behind for matrimonial kisses."

Another bell rang for watch change or some of the seafaring custom. But we still needed to resolve where to go. Anders was dozing, with my chest as a pillow, so I spoke quietly, not really wanting him to wake if he was asleep. "Honey, where do you want to go after we make port?"

He looked right and left and grinned before sobering. "I'm happy here. But... we have several places to visit, some I've been putting off for too long."

"Will they all fit in the six months that Cousland gave us?"

He sat up and pulled me to lay my head across his lap. "I wish I had some grapes to peel for you, love. But no, they all won't, and I'm sure trouble will find us before the end of that time. I should write a report for Cousland, but I don't really trust that to a merchant to carry it to the next town."

I laced my fingers through his hand. "Some messages are carried from Chantry to Chantry. Lothering had a large Chantry for its size."

"That is the place I really want to visit, love. We got close at Redcliffe, but I want to see it."

"Maybe I want to see Kinloch too. It's hard to imagine you growing up in the place like the Gallows." Actually it was all too easy for me to imagine Meredith throwing him into solitary, or causing some of his oldest scars.

Anders' laugh had no humor. "That's just too risky, love. I was nervous when I gave a lecture after Amaranthine burnt. Hardly anyone had been there when I was, all they knew were old capture reports. They don't have old memories that I was harmless. Irving was long dead, and Karl died in Kirkwall. Wynne never returned, as killing the Archdemon gave her a pass from the Chantry, even better than being a Warden. Cullen's probably Knight Commander now. Finn and your cousin didn't really remember me when I lectured, and they feel safe in the Tower. Gregoir probably died of constipation. Just about all the others died during the Blight, mages and Templars, because Uldred wanted power and not freedom for all the Circle. The remaining mages were mostly young and scared of the world, much too young to offer the Joining."

Both of my hands clasped his hand, and I didn't want to interrupt him.

Anders' other hand slid across my cheek. "I didn't feel one of them anymore, I changed far more than I thought in a few months. I felt sorry for them like hothouse flowers or stunted herbs in a pot too small. Nor did I fit with the mostly Orlesians sent by the First Warden when Cousland was ordered to Weisshaupt for a while. Justice was stuck in a rotting body, but so earnest."

We were quiet for a few minutes because of all the things that changed, more than being a Warden it seems. I didn't feel that different, but now I had no reason to plan for old age or children. It simplified some things. I said, "No Kinloch, yes for Lothering. Do you have any idea how we might find Flemeth? I really want to know what she meant by those cryptic words."

His smile was amused. "I don't think anyone sets out to find her. Late night tales we told each other in the Circle said she tricked and killed Templars who hunted her, and that made her one of my younger heroes. I didn't like meeting her on Sundermount. Since she saves people about to be overrun by darkspawn, I'd rather we not put that to a test."

"Think the Chantry will forward a letter?" When I said that, I got a chuckle. "How about we visit a kennel?"

"I don't think so, love. Maybe in a few years when things have quieted or we have a safer posting."

I turned my head to where Paws was dozing along with the occasional gas. My throat hurt so much that I had trouble speaking. "I was thinking of an honorable retirement."

"You may be right love, but he gets an opinion too. I learned the hard way that I can't make major decisions for others."

I didn't really have to ask, Paws had made that choice clear from the day we met and a roly-poly ball of fur cried for me and not Carver.

We would have to have a talk and I would have to convince him to stay back and guard Anders more. I was going to find a kennel because there had to be better charms and protections than they had in the Marches.

When I yawned, Anders smirked. "Two more things and then I can get you to bed, love. You should... we should meet Avernus. He's lived for ages, like Xenon. I want to see if he might have any older knowledge that might help. Cousland made him sound more like an alchemy lecturer than an ancient blood mage, but even Alistair admitted that Avernus blocked an abomination and kept the demons blocked in. He was studying the effects of taint on our blood, so I'm sure he will want to see mine."

His hand dropped lower, waking me up again. "And I should meet with Cousland, she's going to want to know all about Corypheus and the schism between Janneka and Larius."

"And how the dreams of a powerful darkspawn affected Kirkwall for ages and those Wardens who kept thinking they could harness it? Whatever the Tevinter Magisters thought invading the Fade through the blood of Kirkwall slaves would accomplish, it's finally over." This wasn't just evil but willfully stupid for far too long.

"Shh, love. We need to show her the evidence. But not today. Today we can be just Brana and Heysal, two Grey Wardens known to be madly in love..."

His arms kept getting in my way and he was smirking at me as he wriggled down the bunk.

_- x -_

_A/N: Some dialog is taken from or adapted from canon. Thanks to my beta reader who has been kind enough to read this and point out stupid flubs. Any typos that remain are not intentional... Reviews or a PM to let me know what you think would be very appreciated._


	5. Wary Relations

_The Dragon Age world, plot, and their characters aren't mine but belong to Bioware. Some characters may be my creations. I get no money for writing this sequel. _

_- x x -_

**Bethany: wary relations **

**Former ****Warden Prison, Vimmark Wilderness**

**- Warden Bethany Hawke**

Sister and Anders snuck off in the night without saying goodbye.

When hunger from my missed dinner sent me out before midnight, I found only Grey Wardens at the fire. Aveline and Donnic had left too. There were three more dwarven Wardens, including a Commander in uniform.

She wasn't a novice like Sister technically was, but she didn't look that comfortable in her blue and grays.

The human wardens who arrived earlier were not mingling with the dwarves and looked to me as soon as I arrived, Bansil held himself stiffly away from the new arrivals.

The female dwarf Commander with the Legion of the Dead tattoos grinned up at us. "So you had one of the messier darkspawn to clean up and some Carta mucking around here too? What does this have to do with the Carta trying to kidnap Hawke when she was with us?"

Bansil's anger seethed. "They _hid_ in Orzammar..."

"Stifle it, Duster. They're both Wardens and skilled killers of Darkspawn. Once conscripted, their crimes are erased, just like yours were."

Her taint was strong, so I guessed from Sister's tale. "Commander Sigrun?"

"You must be the sister who sent those letters, you have a look about the cheekbones. When your message about that exiled guard got to us in Orzammar, I thought my experience at the Vigil would be useful. I hoped to meet some more of the people Sparklefingers had in his stories."

Fenris frowned. "Sparklefingers?"

"Anders. He was a charmer at the Vigil, the life of the party, even if _**he**_ had to get it started. That was an uptunnel push with Howe and Velanna, but he kept trying even with that spirit. A different bed-mate every night, or so it seemed in those days. He was quick with his spells while on duty. The Broodmothers and taint they left behind in thaig and tunnels near there were worse there than what we usually find. What types of spawn were down there, and how'd they rate?" She sounded like a Commander, even if few dwarves Joined or got promoted.

I said, "No broodmothers. This was a powerful darkspawn like the Architect. Sealed in here for ages, his bloody dreams were reaching into others as far as Kirkwall. He had some kind of blood magic he could do even if he was bound into sleep. When he woke, he was worse and transformed the chamber to harrow us insects who would _**not**_ bow down."

"Stone and dust! Another one of those Spawn who can talk? Anders and Justice would have been mad as a bronto."

Fenris spoke dryly. "They were incensed."

The Commander clapped her hands together. "Well then, I brought a former mining caste who can restart the smelter. We'll return this place to the bare Stone..."

Bansil, the Warden who came from Kirkwall, interrupted. "Commander. I think you are not aware of the costs to the rest of the Grey Wardens if we harbor the Scourge. This is risking all of us for one abomination and his blood puppet. We will be impeded and questioned for a murderer. He's killed the people we are to protect, the ones who live those safer, brighter lives in the open air." Bansil was standing, not quite close enough to loom over Sigrun. "He should be given to the Templars and Chantry for what he did."

Sigrun's face hardened out of her smile. "And what would that do? Do you want to second guess Wardens with higher rank and accomplishments? Warden Hawke, could you have defeated that darkspawn in here without them?"

Bansil objected. "She could have brought _us_ in..."

I shook my head. "By the time we knew we were dealing with more than the Carta thugs or even a few darkspawn, we were trapped inside as the seals were collapsing. Without their presence, Corypheus would have walked away while we were fighting hundreds of darkspawn and demons spread around the area. The Wardens would be none the wiser."

Fenris put his arms around me tightly. "That assumes we could have resisted his control."

"Do Grey Wardens in the Marches decide what they do by votes? How does that work when a darkspawn breach opens in the middle of a 'safe' tunnel?" Sigrun's voice showed sarcasm, even if her face held a fixed smile.

That made Bansil flush, as it should. Warden-Commander Njáll brooked no questions like his. Bansil muttered a negative.

I thought I'd make a little peace. "A Marcher's fortune rises and falls with the tides, right? My grandfather used that quote in his papers and walls." I looked at Bansil. "We forget the tides in the Deep Roads, don't we. Up here? Corypheus was a storm... but so are my sister and Anders."

Arkun snorted from his flask of fierce-smelling alcohol. "We use whatever works and is at hand. You know that. If having uniforms in a spotless yellow makes darkspawn easier to kill, you better hope your lover likes your skinny legs in lemon."

Selco shook his head from where Walda dozed in his lap. "Let it go, Bann. What do you think a sister is gonna do? A war's not going to make much difference to us in our work. No March or Templar army is _really_ going to follow us into the Deep Roads. Then we'd see how strong their faith _really_ is."

That got snickers and the mood shifted. Alvirr asked for details about the dragon we'd fought.

I'd have to think about what I learned about Father and about Corypheus, who lived his evil life before there were any darkspawn, before there _was_ a Chantry. A time that was hard to imagine.

In the morning I showed all the new arrivals what we'd done, but most gave Fenris the cold shoulder. My warrior didn't seem to mind, but he grew quieter with every day that passed.

When we took a break a week later, I moved to sit beside Fenris. "Another month more and we should be done here. I..." I didn't know what would happen now between us. "I will probably have to return to Ansburg. I'm not the rogue Warden that Sister and Anders are."

Fenris leaned closer. "What's it like there? None of you spoke about Warden bases."

"What can I compare it to? It's nothing like being a free woman, and I was never in any other force. I think Aveline would adapt very well. She likes a clear ranking and specific duties. Sister and Carver served under King Cailan at Ostagar, but now she..."

"Hawke doesn't respect power alone." Humor threaded through his deep voice for a moment. "Can non-Wardens enter? Or do secrets limit people like me?"

I leaned my head against his shoulders, lightly. "It depends on the particular Warden-Commander. Wardens who are senior ranked are either crazy or petty tyrants with their authority. Nate's told me about the Vigil, which sounded very different from how I was trained."

"How much of this is because you are Ferelden and not a Marcher or Orlesian?"

"Maybe a lot. Sister and Carver faced the horde and she never said anything against the Wardens that fell in that battle, even before we met others. When I visited the new Lothering, I got respect. I don't know if it was because I was native-born or the uniform. The Vigil is also a fortress of an Arlessa, so there were many non-Wardens who live and work there. Ansburg has far fewer, but there were some." I was afraid to make any suggestions for his future. "Maybe I might request a transfer to the Vigil, but that rarely happens."

Fenris brushed my cheek. "Are there quarters with some privacy at Ansburg?"

"Not many, most stay in the barracks. Support potion brewers and smiths are our few civilians, who get permanent quarters because they stay on the surface."

"Then I will be a trainer, because I am coming with you. A rotting hulk of a mansion in Kirkwall is not enough to make me want to stay any longer."

That made me smile. "We can stop and get anything you want to keep."

For weeks we removed and destroyed anything remotely related to Corypheus. Sigrun recorded what we found about the dwarven exile to send to the Shaperate. As we destroyed remnants, the air seemed to grow cleaner. We found some more old Warden curios as well as some stray darkspawn, but I was very glad that Fenris remained untainted.

The tower was bare stone and cooled slag now. Later, during our cleanup, we camped where we could see open sky, even if the dwarves preferred to be under the Stone. Arkun and Walda argued that we should repair the bridges so this could make a true Warden base instead of a prison, but we'd need more masons. We didn't find any tunnels into the Deep Roads, so we should not leave the prison until we knew if the darkspawn had ended with Corypheus' life.

It was almost idyllic. I had something useful to do where I could freely use my magic, and I had someone whose eyes glowed for _me_.

But it never lasted.

_- x -_

_A/N: Some dialog is taken from or adapted from canon. Thanks to my beta reader who has been kind enough to read this and point out stupid flubs. Any typos that remain are not intentional... Reviews or a PM to let me know what you think would be very appreciated._


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